


Whumptober 2020 12 Broken Trust

by frankie_mcstein



Series: Whumptober 2020 [12]
Category: Magnum P.I. (TV 2018)
Genre: Fever Dreams, Flashbacks, Fluffy Ending, Gen, Higgy is the sister of the family, Illness, Insecurity, OHANA MEANS FAMILY, Poor Higgy, Protective boys, SO MUCH FLUFF, Whumptober 2020, it's bad for your teeth, references to russian assignments, she just needs to realise it, vague interrogation references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 09:01:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26969413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frankie_mcstein/pseuds/frankie_mcstein
Summary: Whumptober 2020 prompt 12- Broken TrustA miserable viral infection forces Higgins' insecurities to the surface. Her boys just want their baby sister to be okay.
Relationships: Juliet Higgins & Everyone
Series: Whumptober 2020 [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947172
Comments: 21
Kudos: 44





	Whumptober 2020 12 Broken Trust

**Author's Note:**

> I did something similar to this last year but from Higgins' pov and quite a few people said they would have liked to have seen the boys looking after Higgins. So, here. Sick!Higgy, scary weather, and the boys taking care of their little sister. Along with some insecurities to make it actually fit the prompt.

"You too, Higgy Baby." 

He was smiling as he spoke, and she let him pull her in for a hug. Even wrapped her arm around him in return. But, here's the thing; a one armed hug at a time when everyone was feeling emotional and more than a little done-in didn't change anything. It didn't magically make Higgins a part of their family. 

Okay, she went to the debriefing with Magnum to make sure the CIA played nice. But only because she knew he would need someone there who knew how to stop them railroading him.

And yes, she maybe sent a few more messages than before via the group chat. But that was only because Rick had confessed he found British humour impenetrable and it was funny to see him struggle to understand the joke.

And sure, she let T.C. borrow one of the cars when his van finally gave up the ghost and needed over a week's worth of work. But, honestly, that was just good form.

The three men were family. And she was… well, she liked to think she was a friend. Certainly, they had gone above and beyond to help her catch Ian. Of course, Magnum had been motivated by the mountain of favours he owed her, and T.C. had been persuaded by Magnum, and Rick had just wanted to play at being a P.I. for the day.

She was probably flattering herself a little, but she thought, maybe, they would be willing to help her again if she needed them. She was sure she could think of something to offer in exchange. It would be nice to be like Magnum, even if just for a day, and know, with complete and utter certainty, that you didn't need to have anything to barter with. To be able to wrap yourself in the knowledge that whatever you need, no matter how inconvenient or outlandish, you had people who would try to help you get it. 

That was the trouble with being an outsider- no matter the inroads you made into the circle, you still always felt like you were outside looking in. And you couldn't exactly sit down and ask, "Do you actually like me at all? Even just a little? Or am I just tolerated for my skills?"

All morning, her head was full of these evil little thoughts. She couldn’t pretend they weren’t there like she usually did and she couldn't figure out why. Or how to make them go away. She and Magnum had argued before she'd left, yes, but it was nothing more serious than their usual back-and-forth. He had accused her of not caring about their clients, she had accused him of being a gullible nincompoop, and they had gone their separate ways. 

But something felt so off to her. Like her place in her own life had been somehow stolen from her.

So, when her stomach started twisting halfway through the day, she didn't bother texting Magnum and telling him he would need to sort out an alternative arrangement for his surveillance. If she were perfectly honest, she didn't want to risk what she was thinking of as a precarious acceptance by letting him down.

_ 'If he starts complaining about you being unreliable,' _ her internal voice chittered at her,  _ 'you'll lose the small amount of consideration they have for you.' _

She'd had friends once. People who would have dropped everything at a moment's notice if she had needed them. And then she had thrown it all away. She'd gone too far, and they hadn't been willing to follow her. She would be lying if she said she didn't want that back. She knew she was never going to mean as much to her boys as they meant to her, but that was okay. Just getting a glimpse of their bond was enough. Not that she had a choice in the matter, but she would make it be enough.

So, when her head started pounding and spinning, nearly driving her off the road, she just took a big mouthful from her water bottle and swallowed two of the painkillers she kept in the glove compartment.

_ 'They'll soon lose interest, even  _ with _ your computer skills, if you start crying off from things with a  _ headache _.' _

Her internal voice really was a pain in the neck. But she couldn't argue with it. As long as she could offer support and backup, then she had a part to play in their group. She was the one who kept Magnum safe when Rick and T.C. were too busy. 

It wasn't much of a role, really. She would much rather be the one they knew that they could depend on, regardless of the issue. And she would dearly love to know that she could depend on them, no matter what her problem was. But, for whatever reason, her mind was telling her that just didn't seem to be in the cards for her. 

No matter how many cases she helped Magnum solve, how many times she stood and fought with them or for them, the family those three men had created was so close, so tightly knitted, there was just no way into it.

At least, not for her. 

And maybe that was her fault. Maybe, if it was so important to her, she wouldn't have thrown it away when she had it before. Maybe this was her punishment for being so cavalier with her friends back in England. Maybe surrounding her with a family she would never be a part of was fate's cruel way of making sure she never forgot the price she had paid for the decisions she had made.

So, when she got home that night and her legs suddenly started to shake beneath her weight, she bit her lip to keep from crying out. She simply made her slow way to the sofa and dropped down onto it. She knew Magnum would come running if he heard her yell, but she didn't want to be a burden. See, the three of them? They could burden each other. They each knew the other two would carry them if needs be. But she was walking alone.

…

Magnum was worried. He stood in the living room and stared at Higgins, fast asleep on the sofa. Behind him, Rick and T.C. were having a whispered debate about the dangers of waking a sleeping spy who may or may not have been an assassin. But Magnum was looking at the faint lines around her mouth and eyes. To him, they looked like lines of pain, and he frowned as he tried to figure out what was wrong.

"Did she say anything to either of you about getting in a fight?" He was grasping at straws, he knew. He had seen the video she had taken of his client's business partner; he knew she hadn't had any problems.

"Maybe we should just wake her up and ask her?" Rick didn't sound too thrilled with the idea. 

Higgins solved the problem for them by shifting and giving a small moan.

"Higgy? You okay?" Magnum kept his voice quiet and kept his distance from the couch; he knew from experience how painful it could be when someone's muscle memory woke up before they did.

"'M fine," came the half-mumbled reply as Higgins rubbed at her eyes. "I have a headache. But it's nothing." The last part was added quickly, as if she felt obligated to assure them she was okay.

Magnum frowned as she pulled herself upright. "Are you sure you're okay?" He didn't want to push and cause an argument, but she really didn't seem like herself.

"I'll just go to bed." It wasn't an answer. It wasn't even an attempt at an answer, and all three men looked worriedly after her as she made her way out toward the stairs, moving slower than normal. They shared a half-concerned, half-confused look as the sound of her footsteps faded.

"I get not wanting to make a fuss, but that was weird." T.C. didn't sound at all impressed.

"Why wouldn't she just tell us if she feels ill? She's obviously not well." Rick directed his question to Magnum, like he thought the other man might actually have an answer.

"Maybe she really does just want some sleep?" But it sounded stupid to Magnum even as he said it. There was something wrong with their Higgy. He opened his mouth to say something else, something about siccing Kumu on her in the morning, but a thud interrupted him.

The three of them ran to the stairs, bolted up them, and sprinted down the corridor where Higgins’ bedroom door was standing open. She had fallen half into the room, sprawled across the threshold like a toy thrown to the floor by a sulking child. Rick had his cell out before they even reached her.

Magnum gently pressed his fingers to her neck, nodding up at Rick’s questioning face. He heard his friend relaying the fact that Higgins was breathing and had a pulse to the operator, but the words didn’t mean anything. 

“Higgy?” He tapped her cheek, hoping to get some sort of a response from her. “Hey, come on. Open your eyes, Juliet.” But she stayed silent and still.

…

The doctor had assured them it was just a viral infection and that she could go home as soon as she woke up.

"It sounds odd, I know, but there's really nothing we can do for a viral infection here that can't be done at home. And… well, we do need the bed."

He'd seemed genuinely sorry to be unable to offer any real help beyond "keep her hydrated if you can," so, even though none of them were happy about it, the three men just quickly assured him it was fine. Then they set about trying to plan how best to take care of Higgins.

"You've got that small bedroom on the first floor," Rick said, looking at Magnum, who nodded.

It wasn't meant to be a bedroom, seeing as there were three upstairs. It was actually intended as an office, but he had bought a small futon so Rick, T.C., and Nuzo would all have a room on the estate if they needed one. Since Nuzo had been killed, the room had sat empty, but they'd all tried the futon when it was new and declared it to be comfortable.

"Puts her close to the kitchen; easy access to water and food if she insists on trying to take care of herself." And his tone of voice told his friends exactly how impressed Magnum was with Higgins' attempts to look after herself.

They talked it over a while longer, waiting for her to wake up. T.C. was holding a prescription for antiinflammatories and a mild painkiller, and they decided he and Rick would get the meds and some supplies while Magnum took Higgins back to the Nest and got her settled in the guest house.

She was too tired to argue much with their plans when she woke. She gave what they considered to be a token protest, something along the lines of, “You don’t have to worry about me,” and then she was being bundled into the passenger seat of the Ferrari and quickly fell asleep again.

If any of the men had realized that what she had actually meant was, “I don’t expect you to worry about me,” they would have been horrified. Rick would have crouched in front of her wheelchair and explained, in very emphatic words and with many hand gestures, how very wrong she was to think so little of their affection for her. Magnum would have slammed the brakes on the wheelchair and refused to move again while he argued with her about her place within the ohana, happily taking advantage of her illness to dismantle any counter argument she might have tried to present. T.C. would have simply repeated his actions at the hangar and wrapped her up in a hug, ignoring everything he knew about her distaste for physical affection.

But they had no idea that she was expecting to wake up in her own room, alone and to deal with her illness by herself.

…

“Her fever’s climbing. I swear she was talking in Russian just now.” Rick looked exhausted, and Magnum was forced to admit that he felt as tired as his friend looked.

“Noelani says these tablets will help with that; we just need to keep her taking them.” He didn’t sound too hopeful. The last time he tried to get her to swallow the small pills, she had tried to fight him, begging him not to make her do it, pleading with him to please leave her alone. It had nearly broken his resolve. It was only the fact that both the doctor at the hospital and Noelani had impressed upon them how serious an unchecked fever could be that had made him push the tablets into her mouth.

It was as if they had all forgotten how tiring it was to try to look after someone who was incapable of looking after themselves. It wasn’t like it was the first time. They had all had periods during their imprisonment when their injuries had gotten the better of them. This should be easier; they had meds and medical staff they could call. 

_ ‘Maybe that was the problem,’  _ he mused.  _ ‘Maybe we were expecting this to be easy.’  _

It should have been, really. Higgins was young and healthy and physically fit; she should have been able to throw off a simple virus without even needing any medications. And the three of them combined should have been more than capable of looking after one person in a sick bed. But, of course, the famous Magnum luck that either helped everyone around or destroyed everything in its path had struck again. 

Kumu had called him not ten minutes after he'd gotten Higgins settled on the futon, her being so deeply asleep making it a relatively simple task (and he would never, under pain of torture or threat of death, confess to having been the one to put her pajamas on her or tell her that he had seen her tattoo while he did it).

_ "Thank goodness you made it back. And thank goodness Juliet is safe in the hospital."  _ Kumu had sounded genuinely flustered, and Magnum had felt a twinge of very real anxiety.

"Higgins is right here with me, Kumu; I just brought her home." And then he felt his stomach sink to his feet as Kumu quickly explained that the 'small storm' he had driven home through had somehow been hiding a full-on hurricane. Or they'd been hoping the storm would divert the hurricane. He was fuzzy on the meteorological details, but he got the important bits; they were about to be trapped in the guest house, probably for a few days.

Rick and T.C. had made it to the estate about half an hour later, just in time to help Magnum secure the estate against the oncoming hurricane. The koi pond needed to be covered, the garden furniture put away, the gates manually locked… the sky was black by the time they finished, and then Higgins had started shifting anxiously in her sleep.

Trying to take care of her had taken a lot of energy; just getting her to drink water was a struggle. Sometimes she was so deeply asleep she couldn't swallow; other times she was awake but too disoriented to realize she was safe.

And now she seemed to be getting worse, losing herself in some sort of horrific memory. A noise from the bed had Rick and Magnum both hurrying the few steps across to Higgins' side. 

"Jules? How you doing there?"

"Arkadi?" Her voice was a whisper. "You shouldn't… shouldn't have come…" And she trailed off, seeming too out of breath to keep taking. Her eyes were open, wide and staring, but fixed somewhere behind Rick's head. 

"He's not here, Higgy," Magnum said softly. He tried to meet Higgins' gaze as her head dropped down, like she was trying to look at him. But her eyes were glazed with fever.

"Don't hurt him pl… please." And she was panting in her panic, her hands shifting, trying to reach out. "Just… let him… let him run." She groaned in pain, squeezing her eyes closed.

Rick and Magnum exchanged a heavy look. There was another hour before they could give her more painkillers, and the last dose had been horrific. T.C. had been forced to pin her hands down with one of his, hold her head still with the other, while Rick had forced the pills into her mouth. Higgins had thrashed on the bed with the unconscious strength of the truly terrified, and T.C. had left the room with tears in his eyes once the tablets had finally kicked in and left her barely awake.

"You're okay now," Rick soothed, hoping that, if she couldn't understand the words, she might at least respond to the tone of his voice. "It's just your boys, Jules. You know you're safe with us."

"Please… just let… let him run."

…

She’d been quiet for nearly the entire night. Magnum had to strain to hear her breathing over the rain that was still lashing down against the windows and the wind that seemed to be doing its best to tear the walls down. He’d turned the second table lamp on an hour or so back to better see her, to make sure he could see her chest rising and falling. Rick and T.C. were both asleep, Rick upstairs for a real rest and T.C. on the couch for a nap, close by in case Magnum needed help.

He almost wished he did; having her laying so still and quiet was actually scaring him. So, although he'd never admit it, he was relieved when her eyes opened.

"Higgy?" He watched as her face went from curious to shocked. "It's okay, Juliet."

"Piotr?" She sounded odd.

Magnum didn't know the word. Not exactly scared, but not happy either. Her hand was reaching for him though, and he caught it quickly.

"Piotr. I'm so sorry."

Magnum had to bend his head to catch the words and couldn't help the frown. Part of him, his natural curiosity, wanted to know about this Piotr and what Higgins had to be sorry for. But the rest of him wanted her to keep her secrets, and would feel guilty if she betrayed something because she was ill.

"Hey, relax," he soothed, hoping the sound of his voice would ground her in reality, even just a little. But her grip on his hand grew stronger and her eyes locked onto his with an intensity that nearly made him wish she was still unconscious.

"I tried so hard," she said, speaking quickly with a near manic energy. "I swear I tried. But it hurt, Piotr. It hurt so much." Her eyes filled with tears. "They hurt me so much. I couldn't… I couldn't stay quiet." 

Magnum stared at her in horror, wanting to say something but not knowing what. It was horrifically obvious what had happened; Higgins had been interrogated and had cracked. And this Piotr, whoever he was, had paid the price.

"Are you here to kill me?"

"No! No, Juliet… no." He didn't know how to answer.

"It's okay. I deserve it." And she looked at him again, her energy flagging, her eyes dropping closed. "Please make it quick." 

And then her body relaxed against the pillows and Magnum was left clutching her limp hand with tears standing in his eyes.

...

She felt awful. Her head was aching and her entire body felt heavy. And her eyes were already trying to close even though she only just opened them. She'd once been thrown off a moving train and ended up feeling better than she did right now.

"Hey you."

Oh good, she was still dreaming. She was alone, naturally; no one would be hanging around in her sick room. And if she was dreaming, then maybe, in reality, she didn't really feel all that bad.

"How about some water? Can you drink?"

There was that whisper again. It sounded familiar. Why was she dreaming a disembodied Magnum-like voice?

"Here you go, girl."

She jerked a little in surprise, the water that brushed against her lips all too real. It vanished as she moved, and she heard a heavy sigh.

"It's okay, Higgy. You're okay. You're safe."

Safe? Why wouldn't she be safe? Surely she was on Mr. Masters' estate. Unless that was why she was dreaming Magnum's voice? Maybe she wasn't at the Nest after all? But no, that didn't seem right. Her eyes were struggling to focus, but she was pretty sure the blurry figure she was looking at was Magnum.

"T'mas?" Talking hurt; her throat was too dry to support any real sound. But the blurry figure seemed galvanized by the small noise she managed to produce.

"Hey! There you are." And he moved closer.

She felt something shift beneath her head and had a second to try to prepare herself before she felt her head lifting off the pillow. It still made her dizzy, but she'd been expecting it and didn't make a noise. After a second, her head was lowered again, and she realised she had been propped up slightly.

"You wanna try again?" 

She blinked, tired and confused and not too sure what was going on. Shouldn't she be alone? But her thoughts were cut off by the water coming back, and she opened her mouth almost instinctively. Two small mouthfuls was all she had, then the water went away again. She whined a little, a pathetic sound that took her by surprise.

"It's okay, girl; there's plenty more. I just don't want you to take too much and get sick." 

It really was Magnum. What on earth was he doing? Did he need her help with something? The water had helped to wake her up a little, and she tried to glance about, looking for her laptop. Or maybe the haphazard pile of papers that passed for a case file when Magnum was in charge of record-keeping.

"What am I…?" But she was too tired, too thirsty, and she couldn't get the words out to ask him what she was meant to be doing for him.

"It's the office in the guest house," Magnum was saying.

Higgins tried to figure out what he meant. Was she supposed to be redecorating the guest house for some reason? Had it been damaged? She felt herself slipping away a little and realised she was falling asleep. She wanted to reach out, to assure herself that Magnum really was there with her. She didn't even care why he was there; she was just so relieved not to be alone while she was feeling so awful. But he wouldn't want to waste his time if he was on a case, and she was in no fit state to help him. So she left her hands where they were.

It was like he knew what she was thinking. His hands wrapped around one of hers, holding it tightly. "Of course I'll stay," he whispered to her confusion. "Rick and T.C.'ll be awake soon too."

Rick and T.C.? Why were all three of them there? Were they both helping Magnum? Why would he need her if he had his brothers there with him? It was all too confusing. A tiny little voice in her head was saying her boys were there for her, looking after her, and she wondered for a moment.

She forced her eyes to open again, squinting a little to bring Magnum's face into focus. He looked exhausted. His eyes seemed a little dull and bloodshot and were highlighted by dark smudges. Like he hadn't slept well for a few days. Like, maybe, he'd been taking care of someone who was ill.

She wanted to ask him if she was right. But he was rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb and still somehow leaching the aches from her muscles with the gentle touch. Her eyes slid closed again and she sighed a little, feeling her body relax. She didn't bother to open her eyes when she heard the door click open, reasonably sure it would be either Rick or T.C. walking in.

Sure enough, she heard T.C.'s voice, quiet and soft.

"I thought I heard you talking."

"She woke up. Only for a bit, but she seemed better. She recognised me."

"Thank God," and T.C. sounded as reverent as she had ever heard.

He'd been worried, she realised. Worried about her. They'd all stayed, not to badger her into working on a case but to look after her while she was sick. The thought was like a revelation, and she tried to swallow down the lump that crept into her throat.

"Hey, Higgy-Baby, what's wrong?"

At T.C.'s question, she suddenly realised tears were trickling down her cheeks. She wanted to explain that she was okay, that she was just tired and oddly emotional. But how was she meant to explain that, for all she had thought otherwise, she had violated their trust? She hadn't trusted them to be there for her, to have her back. How was she meant to tell them that she had expected to wake up alone because she had never trusted that their talk of ohana included her?

A tissue was rubbing lightly at her cheeks, soaking up her tears, and she thought she heard the door open again. Sure enough, while the gentle pressure on her hand kept on soothing her tired joints and the tissue kept on wiping her cheeks, a cool cloth appeared on her forehead, chasing away the lingering heat she could feel. 

All three of them were there, in the room with her, fussing over her, making sure she was okay, making sure she knew she wasn't alone. And it suddenly sunk in, very clearly, something that she should have realised so long ago. A hug in a hangar didn't make her a part of their family because it happened months before that. The hug had been clarification, the thing that should have cemented it all in her mind. She'd been such an idiot. 

She needed to apologise to them, to explain what she had been thinking, how badly she had misjudged them. But first, she needed to sleep. She would say she was sorry when she woke up. It wasn't like her boys would be going anywhere; family was forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, so, thanks to being a Brit and having a heck of a lot in common with Higgins' approach to emotions, I'm reasonably sure that I'm right when I say that Higgins doesn't really know just how much the boys care for her. She knows they're friends, sure, but I would not be at all surprised if she were to say that she doesn't think that they feel much more than that for her. I know we finally got T.C. calling her his sister in the show, but I need her to be told that. I need these three boys to sit her down and spell it out for her and, until they do, I will continue to believe that she sees herself as a bit of outsider still because her insecurities will not let her see anything else.


End file.
